What an effin' ahole
by accident prone
Summary: Oneshot. Zelos path. Only Zelloyd if you squint. For once. Kratos didn't like Zelos and Zelos didn't like Kratos. Maybe in time they could learn to stand each other...but, you know, probably not. Rated for safety.


It was well-known that Kratos and Zelos didn't get along too well.

There was the fact that ever since that first glomp of Lloyd, Zelos had been receiving threatening letters in the mail that were most _explicit _in their message. Yes, they were anonymous, technically, but that didn't change the fact that it was obvious who it was from.

Zelos had chosen to not tell anyone about that. But Lloyd—of course, Lloyd—had found one of those letters, and being bored as he so often was, had read it. He'd approached Zelos alone one day, and handed him the letter.

"Someone's trying to kill you?" he'd asked softly.

"Ah…" Fighting for a quick response, Zelos flashed a quick grin. "It's…probably just a jealous hunny. I wouldn't worry about it."

"I don't believe you."

That had nearly frozen him solid. "Come…come again?"

"Your _hunnys _don't have swords. They don't cast Judgment."

"I—"

"In fact, it almost seems as if it came from _Kratos_."

Damn, Lloyd was good.

"Did it?"

"I thought you trusted Kratos," Zelos said weakly, trying hard to distract the red-clad teen.

"Well, I'd like to." Lloyd shrugged and sat down next to his friend. "But in the end, he's betrayed me, and you haven't. If I had to choose between which one of the two of you I trust more, it'd be you."

Lloyd really knew how to hit hard without meaning to or even noticing, didn't he? Trying desperately to keep breathing and calm his pounding heart, Zelos just nodded.

"Besides," Lloyd continued, "if any of my friends are in danger, of course I'm going to protect them."

"Oh," Zelos said weakly.

"So, don't worry," he concluded. "I'll protect you from Kratos."

"Are you sure you _can_? He's pretty badass, Bud."

Lloyd shrugged. "Well, we'll see what happens, right?"

"Y…yeah, I guess so."

Lloyd really knew how to shake up someone.

So, no, Zelos and Kratos had never really gotten along. In the end, their only common interest had been in Lloyd. Kratos to protect his son, Zelos to protect the first _real _friend he'd ever had.

Still, this common interest didn't stop them from _accidentally _striking at each other in battle when at the Iselia ranch. After awhile, Lloyd had noticed how both were limping a bit from blows to their legs—the only non-fatal and easy to "accidentally" hit place on the body…and how they were glaring furiously at each other.

"Okay, you guys," Lloyd had announced tiredly after a bit. "This has _got _to stop."

Everyone had stopped and looked back at the three of them. Kratos's expression hadn't changed, but he said, "What must?"

"_You_ two. You keep attacking each other. You're acting like children." Lloyd glared and crossed his arms. "That's supposed to be my job."

"You said it," Zelos agreed wholeheartedly, hugging Lloyd's middle tightly. "That's our Lloydie, always—ow!"

"My apologies," Kratos said coldly. "My arm slipped."

"You _stabbed _me! I could be _scarred_! My beautiful body—"

"Okay, that's it!" Lloyd snarled. "You two are getting separated! One in each group! Choose who'll go where, okay?"

"I'm going with Lloyd!" Zelos shouted immediately. At the same time, Kratos said, "Then I shall accompany you."

They glared at each other once again.

Rubbing the side of his face, Lloyd groaned. "Guys…can't you just get along?"

"Oh, yes," Zelos spat. "We can get along _just fine_."

Lloyd heaved a great sigh. "Zelos, you're coming with me. Kratos, I need you to go rescue the captives, okay?"

Latching onto Lloyd once again, Zelos cheered. "Lloydie!"

"Let—go—of—my—arm!"

"I feel so loved!"

"That's nice! Now let _go_!"

Watching the two with narrowed eyes, Kratos said finally, "I will do as you wish, Lloyd."

"Lloyd?" Zelos whispered. "He's glaring at me…I think he wants to kill me…"

Lloyd glanced at Zelos a moment. Zelos had moved to hide behind Lloyd.

"Really?" he said.

"I'm expecting him to lunge at me and skewer me anytime now."

"I said I'd protect you, okay?"

"Okay," Zelos mumbled.

"Kratos, I'm counting on you," Lloyd said. "Zelos, can you let go now? We're probably going to be fighting Desians and I fight with _both _hands."

Kratos gave Zelos a _you're dead _look before saying, "We've wasted too much time. Hurry up."

"Okay, okay, geez," Lloyd grumbled.

Zelos had always disliked Kratos for the way he had jerked Lloyd around. He'd always disliked him for the way he seemed to disregard how his own son felt about it. He'd always hated how arrogant the bastard was.

Kratos had always hated how Zelos would have a carefree attitude even when the situation was dire. He had disliked how Zelos would always chase after girls, and he always hated how much the Chosen would joke around. It escaped him how someone like that had become Chosen.

Perhaps that was why Kratos was actually relieved when he felt the stabbing pain in his abdomen. It was obvious he wouldn't be able to fight alongside Lloyd—or, thank whatever gods their may be, Zelos.

"Are you all right?" Lloyd had sounded genuinely worried.

"I'm fine. I won't be able to accompany you, however…"

Running a hand through his hair and looking stressed, Lloyd nodded. "I…okay. Come on, guys, let's go rescue Zelos."

"I'll be counting on you to stop Mithos's selfish dream once and for all," Kratos had added.

"Mithos…oh, yeah. We'll stop him." Lloyd had looked sheepishly at the ground for a moment, then back up at his father. "I promise," he added firmly.

"Good." Kratos couldn't help but feel a little proud, and maybe even a little irritated at his son. Putting friends before the world…

How _like _Lloyd.

Perhaps their dislike for one another was why Zelos had been relieved to _not _see Kratos, or anyone really when Mithos had finally left his body.

"Where are all my hunnys?"

Lloyd had raised a brow. "They got caught up in a trap."

"And…" Zelos's voice died off. _And Kratos_?

"Kratos couldn't come," Lloyd said softly. "Now, are you coming, or aren't you?"

"Well, at least that arrogant SOB isn't here."

"Be nice," Lloyd commanded, and they were off.

Perhaps, Zelos mused, perhaps he wouldn't hate Kratos forever. Perhaps, in time, when Kratos _wasn't _jerking his own son around (even if it _was _for the good of the world), Zelos could grow to actually tolerate him. Anything, as Lloyd had so often said, was possible. Especially in this new world they'd created…

And then Kratos left for Derris Kharlan, and that had decided that.

Kratos was a complete and total dick.

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**A/N: Review?**


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